Phantom of the Opera
by goodgollymolly
Summary: Mr. Schue has decided to do a summer production of Phantom of the Opera, and Rachel has a few problems with his casting decisions. Was a drabble, now a small oneshot.


A/N: Hi again! This started out as a much smaller drabble, which I have now expanded! I hope you like it. I appreciate any feedback you have, whether it be in the form of a review or a favorite. You're all awesome! :)

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><p>"Both of you," Rachel screeched, "stop having eye coitus across the stage! You're supposed to hate each other! Instead Rauol looks like he's more interested in the Phantom than me!"<p>

Rachel stomped off stage, Mr. Schue following close behind. He was beginning to think a summer production of Phantom of the Opera wasn't the best idea ever.

"This wouldn't be happening if we had taken my idea and done Pip Pip Hooray," Kurt mumbled under his breath, "it really is delightful!"

Blaine crossed to Kurt, putting an arm around his waist and kissing his cheek. "I know," he cooed, "but Mr. Schue wanted to do Phantom."

"And for good reason!" Rachel called from backstage. "I make the perfect Christine. Mr. Schue, I honestly don't see why you couldn't cast Finn as Raoul and Puck as the Phantom!"

"Rachel, we've been over this-Finn and Puck have football camp, so they can't be here for every rehearsal," Mr. Schue was rubbing his temples as he addressed Rachel, "so Finn is playing Andre, and Puck is playing Firmin."

"Well, until those two can stop looking at each other like they're cuts of meat, I will be in my dressing room!"

Mr. Schue walked back onstage, looking apologetically at Kurt and Blaine. "I'm sorry guys," he said, glancing at them, "I forgot how much of a diva she could be...but could you two tone it down a little bit? I'm not trying to be insensitive, but you guys do kind of look like you want to rip each other's shirts off."

"I guess," Kurt responded with a sigh.

"We'll save that for after rehearsal," Blaine whispered into his ear, making Kurt turn bright red.

"And another thing," Rachel cried, stomping back onstage, "stop getting handsy when you put the noose around his neck!"

"I am not that handsy!" Blaine retorted, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist.

"You almost kissed his neck last time, there was nuzzling Warbler, don't even try to deny it."

"It just looked so nice…and he had used that shampoo I like," Blaine dreamily replied, kissing Kurt's neck.

"You looked like you wanted to devour him!" Rachel shrieked.

"Maybe the Phantom is a cannibal?" Blaine helpfully suggested.

"The Phantom is not a cannibal! And he most certainly is not gay!"

"Well, it does get lonely in the sewers," Kurt giggled, "maybe Raoul has made his own visits, and the Phantom really just Raoul's spurned lover."

"He is not! Honestly, Kurt, maybe you should have played Christine if you two are going to be like this," Rachel huffed.

"You're just jealous because I would have made a better Christine," Kurt replied.

"Mr. Schuester!"

"Rachel, give me a second," Mr. Schue sighed.

"Actually," Blaine said, clearly thinking, "it would make sense. If he can't have Raoul, no one can-just think, he only got super possessive once Raoul came into the picture."

"Yeah," Kurt continued, playing along, "he kidnaps Christine and takes her to his lair to lure Raoul down there…he wants his opera performed in Raoul's opera house, and Past the Point of No Return? It's a roundabout way of saying that their love affair is done."

Rachel looked at both of them, mouth gaping, then squeaked, "I'll be in my dressing room until you two decide to stop finding homosexual subtexts in everything we perform!"

"She has a dressing room?" Blaine whispered to Kurt, pulling him closer.

"It was the paint closet," Kurt laughed, "she cleared it out and hung a mirror in it, so it's her dressing room now."

"That's slightly pathetic," Blaine chuckled as he kissed up Kurt's neck.

"Nope, that's Rachel," Kurt giggled. "Just wait until she gets her first real dressing room."

"Hey guys," Mr. Schue said, approaching them, "where did Rachel go? She's not in the paint closet again, right?"

"Um, actually, that's her dressing room now," Kurt said as he moved away from Blaine.

"You have got to be kidding me," Mr. Schue mumbled as he walked off in the direction of the paint closet.

They both waited to hear Rachel respond to Mr. Schue. "Rachel," he said, pounding on the door, "Rachel, get out of the paint closet!"

"This brings a whole new meaning to coming out of the closet," Blaine whispered, making Kurt giggle.

"I will not come out until those two stop sullying the name of Andrew Lloyd Weber!" Rachel cried from inside the paint closet.

"I think he did that himself with Love Never Dies!" Kurt shouted through his laughter.

"Andrew Lloyd Weber is a musical theatre God," Rachel shrieked as she threw open the door, "how dare you!"

"Okay, Rachel," Mr. Schue said, "the guys have promised to tone it down a bit, so could we please get this rehearsal over with? We still have sets to paint and we're two weeks out from the performances."

"I suppose the show must go on," Rachel murmured, "and you cannot go on without me, your biggest star. And you made them promise that there would be no onstage PDA?"

"Guys," Mr. Schue addressed, "can we please refrain from any onstage affection?"

"Yes, definitely Mr. Schue," Kurt nodded, Blaine nodding as well.

"Okay guys, let's do the scene in the Phantom's lair again. Cool?" Mr. Schue walked back out into the auditorium, "Places guys!"

"Yes, of course," Rachel said, "come on, let's go. Then you all can paint scenery while I serenade you all."

"Whatever Rachel," Kurt replied, rolling his eyes as he walked back onstage, hand in hand with Blaine.

"Hand holding counts as PDA!" Rachel called after them.


End file.
